Wednesday, February 12, 2020

Pet Peeves

I have a set of pet peeves I'll call the "while-pregnant phenomenons". Not everyone exhibits the following behaviors, but they are common enough to joke about.
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It bugs me when someone in the room is expecting, so the females take it as an invitation to one-up each other and give unsolicited advice. 

Setting: A room full of people. Me pregnant. 

- female acquaintance sidles over (we don't usually talk)- 

Acquaintance *touches my abdomen*: "How are you? How are you feeling?" 

Noticeably pregnant me: "I just finished a thought-provoking book about ___ (unrelated to pregnancy). I highly recommend it. And I'm feeling great. How are you doing?"

Acquaintance (pregnancy complaint bubble burst): "I hate you. I hope your birth experience is horrible."

*blink blink* 

*wait for it*

Acquaintance (can't resist the urge to one-up): "Just kidding. Well, when I was pregnant...so sick...so tired...the whole time...IV fluids...worst thing ever...bloated giraffe...diabetes...blah blah blah..." 

Other woman in room (I don't even know her): "Whatever you do, DON'T have a baby in January...the worst delivery ever...hard labor...snowstorm...parking lot...ambulance...no time for epidural...cord around the neck three - I mean FOUR - times...blah blah blah...vaccines are the worst...blah blah blah"

Another person chimes in: "And don't even think about breastfeeding...when I had my first...sandpaper...mastitis...the next was born with teeth...blah blah blah"

Someone else listening from across the room: "But if you do, don't forget to drink a beer a day to keep your milk supply!"
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It bugs me when you try to strike up a conversation about anything else, and a pregnant person manages to turn every subject back to their pregnancy (it's a lot like the "just-came-home-from-a-mission phenomenon", but a very different context). Here's a facetious little example of what I mean:

Setting: Having a conversation with another friend 

-enter pregnant friend-

Me: "Hey! Long time, no see! How is your family?"

Pregnant Friend (looks like she swallowed a planet): "Well, I'm pregnant."

Other friend: "I know! I see your weekly social media updates. That's so exciting! And how are you liking your new house?"

Pregnant Friend: "Well, it would be good, except that I'm pregnant, so it's like 'uuugh'." 

Me: "I can only imagine how challenging it was to move and get organized. Were you happy with the company you hired to help with the move?"

Pregnant Friend: "I don't remember. I am just so pregnant lately. Pregnancy brain makes me forget everything, you know." 

Other friend: "Sure. Well, your new backyard is pretty awesome! Is landscaping something you think you'll enjoy?"

Pregnant Friend: "I was so sick in the first trimester. But that was at the old house."

Me: "Do you like gardening?"

Pregnant Friend: "Well, I'm pregnant now. And I'm so pregnant that I've been nesting, so the nursery is finally perfect. And there's a baby shower coming up..."
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Last one: Dubbing the baby's room "The Nursery". 

I know I'm unique in this. I just don't like it. It's something about the word, but partially the expectation implied. By all means, paint and decorate the room if you want. But I think the fancy, specific term "nursssery" is over-used and over-emphasized, mainly thanks to social media and marketing.  
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