We rant about "Them"

We are in a COVID-19 pandemic. In our area, we were instructed to practice social distancing. Pretty soon schools, restaurants, churches, and sporting events were shut down. When things started to get real here with government emergency announcements and mandatory quarantines happening, this was an unprecedented situation. Many of us felt anxious about the uncertainty. And a lot of people went panic shopping. Now there's no toilet paper on store shelves. Soap is in short supply. Food is picked over. It's hard to find feminine hygiene products and baby wipes in stores. Don't even think about buying cold/flu remedies or hand sanitizer.

Now people all over social media are belittling those who went on a pre-quarantine shopping spree. 

Everyone who went to the store that week will claim that they only went for their "normal" grocery shopping. Which might be true. But it seems that the majority of us bought at least a few extra items, and some bought a lot more than normal. 

Plenty of people are now ranting about the selfishness and foolishness of those who ran to the store to stock up on supplies, particularly anyone who bought toilet paper. But it is never ourselves who are the culprits. We place the blame on those people who overreacted. 

Now, I'm not saying it's wise to go to the store and buy out all the insert product name here. It seems a little selfish at face value. 

BUT I am here to say I think we need to slow down our judgment, show a little love, and give these people a break. When we rant on social media about how stupid all those people are, we don't really consider the individuals we are talking about. We assume we are referring to strangers - the stupid ones. But think about it...do you not generally post to an audience of your friends?? Maybe the thoughtless idiot you are referring to is actually your close friend, neighbor, or family member, who ran to the store in a whirlwind of emotions and now sees - and takes to heart - all of your vicious posts. Now that you've expressed clear disdain for their actions, they might now feel self conscious talking to you, knowing full well that you think so little of them - or you would think less of them if you knew their dirty little secret...that they bought three cases of bottled water at Costco that day. Will your friends feel dishonest as they guiltily "like" and "haha" your memes in an attempt to conceal their offense? As you point fingers at the ambiguous "them", without realizing it or intending it, you have burnt a bridge. You are no longer a safe person they can talk to because you have already judged and given your verdict. 

We should give people the benefit of the doubt, especially in a time when we may feel isolated and need each other's support. I'm suggesting that stress and anxiety - an emotional state - led to over-purchasing in many cases. It was probably not out of selfishness or disregard for others. We don't need to publicly pass judgment and continue to add feelings of guilt and shame on top of the distress that led to the panic shopping in the first place.

We are all coping with this situation in different ways. Some with denial, some with fear, some with anger, some with posting an endless supply of memes...and some with shopping and stocking up. We feel how we feel. We act how we act. We cope how we cope. Let's not keep blowing up about how people chose to cope in that moment. They may already regret their rash behavior. You don't need to now rub it in their face. Hopefully, we are all a little wiser about keeping some extra supplies at home, just in case. 

Furthermore, just think...when you need some TP in the near future and your panicky friends have an arsenal of it, do you think they are going to want to 'fess up to you and share? Probably not. They'll be too ashamed. These friends of yours will have hoards of supplies in the basement that they now feel too embarrassed to reveal. 

Let's be a little kinder. If we feel the need to offer a friendly reminder to our acquaintances through social media, please, let's be gentle about it. It is probably our friends we are posting about. 

How We Met

Our sixth anniversary is upon us. We've been celebrating all weekend. We dressed up in our fancy clothes and went out to eat. One of the best parts was when the server asked if our Prom got cancelled but we were celebrating anyway. Forever young!

I am so grateful for being married to Aaron. I wouldn't have met him if it weren't for my uncle.

I moved from out of state when I got a job in the same city where my uncle lives. I stayed with him and his family for a couple of weeks while I started to work, found an apartment, and got settled. I was really grateful for their hospitality. After I found my own place, I still stopped by their house most Sundays for ice cream. One day, my uncle asked how I felt about blind dates and if I would be interested in meeting someone. He knew Aaron from church, and we were close to the same age.

How did I feel about blind dates?

...story time...

A few weeks previously I had had a weird experience: this guy's mom had called my mom to see if she could set us up. My mom asked me, and I agreed. So she relayed the message back to his mom, and from then on they acted as mediators to find a good day and time for us to meet. Time went on, and I found out that the guy was too shy/antisocial to go on dates - or just not really interested - his mom was trying really hard to get him out of his shell. And she basically was going behind his back to plan a date. Finally, the guy called me personally and told me that it was his mom's idea, and this wasn't really going to work for us to get together. He was nice enough, and I wasn't offended. But I acknowledged that it was pretty awkward for the mother to be the scheduler for his social life.

...back to the other story...

So after getting a brief description of Aaron, I asked my uncle a few questions to find out if this was mainly a pity date: Did he have a criminal record? Was he socially awkward? Did he hate dating?

When I was satisfied that my uncle genuinely thought Aaron was a good guy and that we might hit it off, I told him that I was interested in meeting him, but only on the condition that Aaron call me personally to set it up himself if  he was really interested. No middle man.

I didn't actually expect a phone call.

But he did call me and invited me to go roller skating. He asked if I would be okay with riding with him on his motorcycle, or if I would prefer a car. Not knowing him, I opted for the car. He picked me up in his mom's car, and I met him by a dumpster in the parking lot of my apartment complex (if he turned out to be a weirdo, I didn't want him to know exactly where I lived). We went roller skating, and he brought me home at a reasonable time. He was polite, fun, and easy to talk to. We became friends, and the rest is history.

I never would have expected a blind date to work out so perfectly.

A sunset hike in 2013

Choices

"If you don't choose, I will choose for you."

--Me

When it's time to get dressed, if my daughter does not choose what to wear (or takes too long deciding), I will make a selection. 

It is the same way in life. If we don't make choices and take action to implement those choices, someone or something will choose for us. We will lose the chance to make the decision ourselves. 

Alice: Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?
The Cheshire Cat: That depends a good deal on where you want to get to.
Alice: I don't much care where.
The Cheshire Cat: Then it doesn't much matter which way you go.
---Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland

If we are not proactively making our own decisions in life, we can wander aimlessly, and things will happen to us. We will be blown in whatever direction the winds of chance take us. 

So just choose a shirt already.