Old Work

Things have been pretty strange around here the last few weeks. Aaron was offered a job opportunity out of state with the option to start out on a 3-month contract. We weren't sure about relocating, so we went with the 3-month contract to give us time to decide. The company provided housing, as well as flights for Aaron to come home and visit us. Since Aaron had been the main caregiver for our daughter when I was working, I knew would have to start arranging babysitters for each of my evenings of work.

Things at work were kind of stressful to begin with. There were some inherent challenges with the evening workload, as well as some frustration with the other staff (I had actually begun applying for other jobs). I started feeling rather overwhelmed by the prospect of lining up childcare help for the next three months (although we do have some incredibly willing and accommodating family members living in the area). In addition, we were pretty pleased with the Aaron work company's willingness to meet all of our requests, and we really thought it was a high likelihood that we would be making progress toward a move. Moving was an easy excuse to quit my job (even though they have a constant struggle with staffing on the evening schedule, and I knew they wouldn't be pleased). So I decided to cut out some stress in my life and put in my two-week notice. Over the next two weeks, Aaron had started the job. He enjoyed it, but we realized pretty quickly that the likelihood of us wanting to move there was dwindling. I started to regret my hastiness in quitting my job. I could have easily just reduced my working hours to limit some of the stresses of the situation. The day after my "last day" at work, I talked to my supervisor on the phone, and I said that in hindsight I should have had just made some schedule changes instead of quitting. My supervisor surprised me by saying that it would be easy to reverse the decision, and he could keep me off the work schedule for the next three months while my husband was out of town. He offered to discuss it with HR, and the next day he sent me a text to verify that's what I wanted to do. I said yes. Then my daughter and I went away to visit Aaron. 

After I came back from the trip, I was surprised when I was still locked out of my work account. I called HR, and they told me that my supervisor had not submitted the request until more than a week after he told me he would. HR didn't know if they could still reverse the decision. They had already cashed out my PTO, disconnected my work phone, and a few other things that can't simply be undone. I talked to the supervisor, and he told me he had accidentally hired someone into the same position I left. He had lots of open similar job postings, but it was just that fact that for the person he hired, he happened to select that particular job posting which would have been connected with "my" spot. And for some reason that affected my ability to be rolled back into my former spot. I was invited to reapply and they would certainly hire me back. I was pretty annoyed about my supervisor not doing what he said, and since it had already been finalized, I decided to ride out the decision and stay unemployed for several weeks, caring for our daughter full time. 

It was really nice to turn in all the supplies I had to carry with me for the job. It was nice to not have any work responsibilities. 

I know they hired two traveling nurses to cover the shift I left (two other nurses left a little before I did). I'm frustrated that in all the discussion about my potential to stay, they did not make much/any effort to keep me, even though clearly they were desperate for help. They could have offered a sign on bonus, or a higher pay during the discussion about hiring me back. I might have accepted such an arrangement. The job is tough, but I was doing good work there, and I can put up with a lot for more money. Here's another weird thing: when I put in my two-week notice, no one from my work reached out to me about it at all. My supervisor did not even reply to the email when I sent my two weeks notice. How is that for feeling appreciated at work? None of my "superiors" said anything at all. They didn't even say anything about turning in the supplies from the job, including the electronics like the phone and the computer. I have to wonder how long it would have taken for someone to realize I still had them. I finally had to reach out to them to make a plan to deliver the items (I no longer had access to the building, so I couldn't just take them in myself). There is one person who reached out to talk to me on my last day: the educator who trained me for this job. This person is not necessarily a supervisor over me, but she is just very kind and genuine and wanted to wish me well and thank me for doing good work and for helping to train new nurses. She is the one person who made me feel a little bad leaving. 

All in all, it has been a positive change. I have had much less stress during Aaron's absence due to leaving my job. It has been a relief to just have it off my plate completely. Yet I also feel truly that this job was a blessing for our family the last two years. Yes, there were a lot of hard things about it. Yes, I complained about it at times. But it allowed us to save money and prepare for some big expenses we had this year. It allowed me to work at maintaining skills and gain a lot of confidence in my abilities. I wanted to quit at first, but I really stepped up to the challenge because I felt that God had led me to the job for a reason. The schedule for this job let me work without requiring outside childcare (at least not very often). I know I was guided to apply for this job two years ago by inspiration because God knew that this was what our family needed at the time. The growth I experienced by working through this job - knowing it was what God had placed before me - was worth the struggle.

Supplies for work

Gas

Here's how we did not get carbon monoxide poisoning this week: 

A few days ago we had a big snow storm overnight. It had been a lazy morning, and I finally was ready to take a shower. Unfortunately, when I started the water, it was lukewarm and then cold. Our water heater is an instant gas heater in our crawlspace (For more information, you can refer to a post about replacing our old water heater early last year ).

Normally, I rely on Aaron to fix things like that, but he was out of state, so I texted him for ideas. He suggested I check the indicator light on the appliance to see first if it has power. I don't enjoy going down into the crawlspace, but I also don't enjoy freezing cold showers. So I donned some clothing and opened the crawlspace lid. 

Whoosh! The smell of natural gas emerged from the crawlspace. Supposing it might not be safe to go down there, I again reached out to Aaron for next steps. It seemed like we had a gas leak or something. Aaron called the gas company for me, and they told us to exit the building and wait for the service technician. I scooped up a few supplies and carried my daughter through a foot of snow (I had not gotten around to shoveling) to our favorite neighbors' house. We hung out there until the technician came. They consider these calls emergent, and he arrived within the hour - pretty quick considering traffic was a mess due to the snow.

Upon arrival, the technician used a sensor to assess the air. He quickly determined there was carbon monoxide and natural gas filtering throughout the house. At this point the CO level was only a little lower than the threshold to trigger our CO alarm. He checked each gas appliance, and while he was evaluating the crawlspace, he noted that our water heater exhaust vent exits the house rather close to the ground. He suspected the new snow was obstructing the exhaust. Upon inspection outside, sure enough, the pipe was completely covered. All it took was a couple of shovels of snow, a few minutes to circulate the bad air out of the house, and the problem was resolved. 

We are grateful that 

1. The water heater had a safety feature which shut it off when it detected a problem with exhaust.

2. The crawlspace had a gas odor, so I did not climb down. It would have been highly concentrated with CO exhaust. 

3. The solution was obvious, simple, and quick to implement.

4. Our neighbor was kind enough to give us a warm place to wait. We have family nearby offering to help also. The problem was resolved so quickly we were able to walk home and carry on with our day without needing to travel in the snowy weather. 

Now we know: We need to bring the pipes up higher. And until then, check the exhaust vent after a snowstorm.

What a roast!

 We have dinner at my parents' house most Sundays. My mother usually makes the main dish, and those joining bring sides. Sometimes I like to make the main. Sometimes I like to smoke delicious meats. This time, I did both.

I volunteered for the main dish, not knowing beforehand what I would make. I remembered seeing chuck roast on sale, so after a quick search I found my favorite online grilling recipe site had a one for a smoked chuck roast. Pretty straightforward, and after reading some comments sounds like (as with a crock pot roast) I could add the carrots and potatoes too. 

It was a bit more work than a crock pot, and as it was in progress Jamie and I were talking about if the extra work would be worth it. Especially as this particular Sunday I had some other responsibilities that kept me occupied while tending the meat. It reached temperature right on time, and we transported it without looking or tasting yet (except for a carrot). Finally at the destination, we made a gravy from the drippings and sliced it up. I finally took a bite, and I think I gasped. My sister looked worried, "too spicy?" she asked. "No", I said, "it's phenomenal!"

The extra work was completely worth it. This thing had a perfect smoke ring, so much flavor, so much delicious. The potatoes and carrots were similarly spectacular. Words do not adequately describe the dancing and singing the taste buds engaged in.

My deviations from the recipe: salted the meat generously the night before (always a good choice for beef), and used McCormick's Montreal Steak seasoning for the rub. When I do it again, I'll give it more time at the 200° zone, let it get more tender. Not that it was tough, but it wasn't quite to fork tender yet. But it was time for dinner, so we had to move forward.

In conclusion, it is absolutely worth the extra work to smoke the roast.

 Helping to load more pellets, one small handful at a time

Favorite Toy

Our daughter has a current favorite toy. This is a toy she has had since before birth (a baby shower gift). She rediscovered it a few weeks ago, and it is now her favorite. She gave it a name one day: Starfind. Surprisingly, the name stuck and the obsession persisted, even after we went on a trip without it and came home. She was sick this week, and she kept this next to her and snuggled with it in her blanket at all times.

If you're thinking Starfind is a cuddly animal, think again. It is this funny little radio box that plays classical music and lights up when you push the button. She even asked to use my phone for a little photoshoot. Behold: 

Starfind gets its name from these stars.

The artistic perspective

Cat Anatomy

 I love how our daughter is interested in anatomy. We got a book a couple years ago about the human body, and it has been great to refer to body systems in simple ways she can understand. She recently showed basic comprehension of the GI tract when she drew my uncle's cat on a sack puppet and explained it as follows: 

Dasani Can

 Life has been more exciting than usual around here, and that's why I haven't posted for a while.

But in the spirit of posting something this month, here we go:

I learned that Dasani makes cans of water. It is plain water, not carbonated. They just serve it in an aluminum can. I thought it would taste weird, but it was fresh, cold, and delicious. 

That's enough for now!

Things I See

I was describing the premise of this parenting book I checked out from the library. I told Aaron it was a book about respectful parenting. The idea is that children are inherently good, and it is helpful to understand that their impulses and strong emotions are developmentally normal. We shouldn't label toddlers as "bad" or "terrible" when they do things that irritate us. Based on my description, Aaron was pretty confused about the title: 10 Bad Kids.

 Actually, it is No Bad Kids. The library label covered part of the N. 

I read this as Lasy Nap.  "Kind of lazy," I thought, "to not spell it right. Also, what does a lazy nap have to do with paper towels?" As I looked closer, I noticed the E was just wearing off. It says Easy Nap (as in napkin). 

Hand sanitizing wipes: not for use on skin? I think someone needs to clarify.

 

Not just a COVID thing

Commonsense things I did even before COVID 

Now people think its an overreaction to

Sanitize the handle on the shopping cart with those wipes.

Excuse myself to wash hands before eating at a restaurant

Wash my hands at work before and after patient care, and in between as needed

Wash my hands when coming home from work

Encourage husband to wash hands when coming home from work

Wear a mask at a doctor office if I'm sick

Wear a mask at work if I'm sick or sound sick (e.g. seasonal allergies) 

Require patients to wear a mask during certain procedures (e.g. central line dressing change)

Use appropriate PPE while caring for contagiously sick people at work (e.g. influenza)

Wash hands when coming home

Use hand sanitizer in public when leaving or entering a high-touch area

Cough/sneeze into my elbow rather than my hand

Wash hands or use hand sanitizer after blowing nose, especially if I'm sick

Keep my kid home when she's sick

Receive vaccines recommended by my physician, even when pregnant

Have my kid receive vaccines as recommended by my physician

Encourage husband to receive vaccines as recommended by physician

Get the flu shot each year

Was required to get the flu shot for work every year

Was required by work to be up-to-date on vaccines

Sanitize hands before holding a new baby

Follow advice from personal physician

Follow advice from local health department regarding local health concerns

Follow advice from CDC regarding national/international health concerns

Buy toilet paper in bulk

Pre-pandemic reminder

Heavy

Once upon a time, Aaron knew I loved blankets. So he gave me a 15-pound blanket as a gift.

And I hated it. 

Every time I tried to use it, I felt trapped. Stuck. Unable to move. So Aaron used it occasionally. 

But I shunned it.

I tried to be nice about it. But Aaron could tell I didn't like it. It was the one blanket I never used. 

Then this summer happened, and it has been blazing hot - too hot for blankets. The sheet covering me never gave a satisfying feel. One June night I could not sleep. Tossing around with the flimsy sheet flapping around, I just felt too...hm....loose. For once, the weighted  blanket came to mind. It is not designed to be particularly warm. Just heavy. I hoisted it on top of the sheet - and tunneled in feet first. The blanket conformed to me and compressed me just enough for comfort.

I slept like a baby.

I've been using the weighted blanket all summer now, and it is the best thing ever. Aaron is happy that the blanket finally has a purpose. 

I'm glad I finally gave it a chance. 

Snow boots on hottest day of summer

I like to make food

I like to cook and make food.

Not that I call myself an expert by any means, but I do enjoy it and when other people eat it they seem to enjoy it too, which I think is a good thing.

Often as I cook, I have some base recipe that I start out following, but I don't usually finish following.  More commonly, I find a couple different recipes, compare what is similar, and start to find what the rules are for that particular food.  Then I combine them in some interesting way.  My lady then tells me that the food was delicious and I need to write down what I did.  I didn't measure most things, and I don't remember exactly what all I did, but in that moment I can at least make enough notes to re-do it, I think.  But two weeks later, when I try to recall what I did, and I didn't write it down, its gone.  So I make something up again. 

So I decided to do something about it tonight.  Silly time to make that decision, but I am waiting as my food cooks to do the next step, and it seemed like the right thing to do.  Tonight's food:  Pulled Pork.

I got a pellet smoker about a year ago.  Probably the most expensive birthday present for me ever, but so delicious and convenient, and my lady who got it for me gets to enjoy the spoils as well.  Before that I was using a "manual" vertical barrel smoker.  My neighbor is a smoked food master and had too many smokers, so he gave me that one two years ago.  Before that was attempting to use my charcoal grill as a smoker.  It worked, but that barrel was so much better.  I learned a lot from it.  Then the pellet came along, and it is so much easier.  Long smokes like brisket or pulled pork became feasible.  I digress.  I can write a post about just learning to smoke another time.

I've done a few pulled porks, and I've gotten pretty good at them.  My last experiment was a bit of a cheat.  I smoked it for the first half, then stuck it in the slow cooker for the second.  But it turned out so juicy, tender, and basically perfect.  Sometimes cheating is right... I can't finish that sentence in good conscience as a teacher, somehow one of my students will find this blog and quote me on it.

One of my favorite sites for recipes is Hey Grill Hey, and I started there today.  Following roughly the plan for Bourbon Brown Sugar Pulled Pork as my baseline.  This calls for a "mop sauce", which after broasting the meat a few times, you basically put it in a disposable pan in the smoker covered in foil.  So, completely covered, in delicious juices, under slow heat.  Sounds like a slow cooker!  I'll just change to the other appliance at that point in the recipe.  

Next problem: no bourbon.  Actually, no alcohol at all.  We don't drink, I don't even know what bourbon tastes like.  A quick search for a substitute suggests sweet juices, like apple.  So I went to make the mop sauce with apple juice instead.  Easy enough, pork and apple are great together.  I improvised on the sweet rub to mix in, and just added lots of delicious seasonings to the sauce.  Garlic powder, brown sugar, onion powder, more brown sugar, paprika, crushed red, jalapeño powder, salt, black pepper, and molasses (so the brown sugar is darker).

It is sitting on the smoker as I write this, beginning its slow climb to 165 so I can transfer to the slow cooker.  In a few minutes I will slather on that sauce and go to bed, to be woken in the too early hours of the morning for the transfer.  And tomorrow, after we consume the foods, I will probably write a follow-up edit on here for the results.  

Update:  It arrived at 165 this morning at about 7:00 AM, which is nice so I didn't have to wake up too early for the next step.  The downside is, it became one of those nights when you are expecting an alarm and you keep waking up to see if it is about to go off.  That is not the recommended way to sleep.  It is in the slow cooker with lots of extra sweet juices, and my house smells fantastic.  

Update #2: I forgot to take a picture.  Worse yet, I forgot to let the meat rest.  Yeah, rookie mistake.  My in-laws arrived and I got all excited for the food and just started shredding the meat with my Bear Paws and halfway through realized my mistake.  I couldn't do a lot at that point, but I decided my best bet was to put the meat right back into the crock pot and serve it out of there, where all the juices were waiting.  It worked out pretty well in the end.  

Not a Fox

 Another person just complimented my socks. Shortly after I bought them, people started commenting on how cute the corgis were. 

That's fine and all, but the reason I bought them is I thought they were foxes.  At first I denied the dog claims, insisting that they were actually foxes. Then I got more and more compliments on the adorable corgis. So I verified with my friend, who is a corgi connoisseur. By that I mean she loves corgis and owns one. She said they were definitely corgis. And if it is any sign, no one has ever told me how fantastic my fox socks are. So I have surrendered. 

Do you like my corgi socks?

Audiobooks

My job involves a lot of driving. Even before this job, I enjoyed audiobooks on long drives. But now more than ever I read/listen while I drive. Here's a list of some books I've listened to in the last year and a half. Some of them were books I've read before and wanted to read again. Some were movies I watched that I wanted to read the book on which it was based. Some were recommendations by friends or family. And some just showed up as available and I didn't have to wait for a hold! There are a couple of books listed here that I haven't finished but intend to. But honestly, I didn't list all the books that I have started and didn't enjoy. At times, the voice actor/narrator just isn't engaging enough to listen to. Sometimes I can't get into the topic, or it's too heavy or philosophically thought-provoking to listen to in spurts of driving from place to place (for example, I find I don't get much out of scripture in this medium). I use an app from our public library. There are so many books available in audio format. I can't always finish my book within the twenty-one day check-out. Sometimes I put it on hold again, but other times I just move on. One benefit of audiobooks is that I can really enjoy all the details of the book - even during the exciting parts. On paper I tend to speed read, and so I often skip ahead too fast and miss out on experiencing all the details - especially when things get intense during the climax of a story. One downside of audiobooks (for me) is not being able to see how names and places are spelled. That is an important part of getting to know a character or place. On some occasions I have borrowed the paper book just for that reason.

I don't always have to listen to a book while I drive. The last few weeks I have had a lot on my mind, and so I stopped listening to books for a while. Sometimes music or silence is best. I've also tried podcasts at times or listened to other inspirational messages. But when I'm in the mood, audiobooks are awesome. I've also listened to audiobooks while waiting at a doctor's office or doing yard work. 

So here they are, in no particular order:

Great Expectations by Charles Dickens
    *Note: It's one of my favorite books, but I was skeptical about the audio format. I was pleasantly surprised at how enjoyable the narrator was to listen to. His reading of Dickens was fantastic. 

The Lord of the Rings, The Return of the King (BBC cast production) by J.R.R. Tolkien

The Lord of the Rings, The Two Towers (BBC cast production) by J.R.R. Tolkien 

The Lord of the Rings, The Fellowship of the Ring (BBC cast production) by J.R.R. Tolkien 

The Lord of the Rings, The Return of the King unabridged by J.R.R. Tolkien
    *Note: I started listening to the BBC cast productions on accident when I actually wanted to try the unabridged version. But I enjoyed the cast production so much that I listened to them first and then went back and started into the unabridged version. I would still like to listen to the rest of the trilogy unabridged.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows by J.K. Rowling

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince by J.K. Rowling

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix by J.K. Rowling

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire by J.K. Rowling

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban by J.K. Rowling

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets by J.K. Rowling

Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone by J.K. Rowling
    *Note: I read all the Harry Potter series years ago as each book was released and loved it. Listening to this series really helped me to take it slowly and enjoy all the details. This is where I was reminded of the problem I have with speed reading through exciting parts when I read paper books. I was reading parts of the books in between work days, and I found there were some details I missed on the days I read paper. 

White Fragility by Robin DiAngelo

Girl, Wash Your Face by Rachel Hollis

The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman

The Eye of the World by Robert Jordan
    *Note: This is a prime example of an audiobook that I needed the paper book to look up the spelling of all the unique names. 

Educated by Tara Westover

Time Jumpers by Brandon Mull

Killing Lincoln by Bill O'Reilly

Killing Kennedy by Bill O'Reilly

Books are great. And I feel like audiobooks give me an effective and safe way to multitask. 

While working, I saw these deer from my car.

River Trail

We have a trail nearby that is so much fun to explore. I went there this morning to run, and the sounds along the river were magical. Have you ever been to a zoo where they play recordings of nature to make it seem more realistic? That was the actual sound. There were various bird songs and insect chirps along with the flowing of the river. 

I love to take our daughter there. We picked up a nature journal at the library, sponsored by a local museum, and she had so much fun completing the activities (mainly they involved drawing what we saw). She loves to observe nature and collect specimens of leaves, berries, or bark. We love to notice the different types of birds and plants. It has been fun to see the transformation from winter to spring. 

Another great thing about the trail is that in addition to all the natural areas to play, there are playgrounds distributed along the trail. It is a fun way to add variety.  It is fun to start our journey at different parks or trailheads and see what we find that is new. The other day we were on a different part of the valley than our "norm", so we got to see many different things: a school of huge fish, animal footprints (I think raccoon) in fresh mud, and an animal's den. 

This trail is awesome because it is well-traveled. You can go there alone and not feel too creeped out (although realistically, I still wouldn't go there alone at night). I even see police patrolling on bicycle from time to time. It is actually a very long trail, but I have never travelled the full distance.

I love that when I go to the trail I see a huge variety in age, size, and skill level of people using the trail for recreation. There are cyclists in team apparel speeding by on very expensive road bikes, and there are also casual bikers wearing jeans and t-shirts. I see senior citizens walking their dogs, disabled individuals using assistive devices, distance runners glistening with sweat and equipped with water and gels for a long run, toddlers on balance bikes,  groups of speed walkers, parents running with babies in a sporty stroller, large families with parents herding the children to keep them moving, recumbent bikes, tandem bikes, tricycles, scooters, rollerblades, bike trailers. Some people are just getting back in shape as they work up a sweat just by walking, while others have clearly been training for some event for some time. 

It's awesome that so many people use this trail for recreation. I hope it continues to be used and maintained. 

Can't Wait

I've been holding something back. I'm waiting for the right moment for the big reveal...

Our three-year-old loves warm hot chocolate. She specifies warm each time as she reminds me that yesterday (aka sometime in the past) I made it too hot.

I used to put marshmallow bits in her warm hot chocolate. These are tiny with a crunchy texture. I found them at WalMart. They might be freeze dried. They are fun for a topping, and a little bit goes a long way as a novelty. Individually, they are a little smaller than a pencil eraser.  

Exhibit A: "Regular Marshmallows"

Then, out of nowhere, Daughter was exposed to mini marshmallows. The ones that are soft and about the size of a marble. But here's the thing: She was so excited when she saw them because they were large in comparison to the mallow bits. Now she always requests warm hot chocolate with BIG marshmallows. 

Exhibit B: "Big Marshmallows"

Here's the thing: She's never seen an actual normal golfball-sized s'more marshmallow (that she can remember). I am excitedly looking forward to the moment when we completely blow her mind with the regular marshmallows. It's not like s'mores are my all-time favorite treat. It's just that I can't wait to see her face when I bust open the package. With the weather warming up, we might just need to have a backyard s'mores roasting party soon.

Exhibit C: The Big Reveal...Mindblowingly Huge Mallows

Parenting Philosophies

 I've been thinking about fleshing out our parenting philosophy. We have learned from many different parenting sources, and we have also gleaned from personal experience and observation. We generally strive for a positive, respectful parenting approach. This is not a comprehensive listing, but here are a few important points:

No baby talk: We speak to our daughter in a normal voice using normal words. We once taught a class of 4- and 5-year-olds at church. One child in particular seemed as bright as the others but had some unusual speech characteristics. They would say things like "me want ma-ma" and they used the kind of goo-goo-ga-ga voice you might hear from a talking baby doll. It all made sense when we met the parents. Using high voice inflections you might use to interact with a dog plus Elmer Fudd pronunciation, the parents came to collect their child after class with puckered lips:  "Oh we'we so happy to see ouw wittow baby! Come hewe. Awww...Did you miss ma-ma and da-da?" We saw first hand how their baby talk made their kid stand out in a negative way. It can be a real challenge not to use baby words when it's so cute to hear our daughter mispronounce words. But we try to hold strong. One example is how she used to say the word "penguin". She would say "bawden". It was so cute. Even so, we tried really hard to always say "penguin" correctly. Our philosophy is that children need to learn to speak their language properly by hearing adults saying regular words and using proper grammar. (There is a thing called mirroring or mimicking babies, and that's okay. It means when the baby is making sounds, sometimes you can make their same sounds back to them. They really like it, and it's more of a game than how you speak to them the rest of the time.)

No spanking: We don't use or threaten physical blows to punish our daughter. We want to teach by example that there are better ways to resolve problems, frustrations, and disagreements. Parents need to stay calm and safe when they teach their children. If that's not possible, parents need a time out. We can't teach children not to hit if we ourselves won't live up to that standard. 

No yelling: We do our best to use a calm, respectful voice to speak to our daughter, even when it needs to be firm. We are modeling the kind of speech we expect, even when she is not calm enough to reciprocate.

Say yes: We try to use opportunities to say "yes" when our daughter makes a request. "Yes, we can go to the library... after we clean up from lunch." We try to avoid using the word "no" constantly. No hitting. No pushing. No splashing. No running. No screaming. No climbing. Kids hear these phrases too often. We try to rephrase to a positive voice when we are trying to correct behavior. The goal is to teach what is appropriate: "use soft, gentle touches" vs "no hitting"; "say excuse me" vs "no pushing"; "keep the water in the bathtub" vs "no splashing"; "let's walk" vs. "no running"; "please use a regular voice or a whisper voice" vs. "no screaming"; "dressers are for clothing. Let's go climb at the playground instead." vs. "no climbing". Rather than constantly saying what is off limits, it's better to childproof trouble areas and make play areas that are safe. Lock the messy bedroom. Put the breakable things in a safe location. Keep the art supplies out of reach.

Read every day: We try to read out loud to our daughter daily. It is a great way to introduce new concepts and new vocabulary. We love to read the same books repeatedly, and we love to read new books together.

Feed the child: Keeping a fairly regular meal and snack schedule is helpful. We don't provide for snacking or grazing between the designated meal or snack times. We try to have snacks handy or pack a lunch if we'll be out of the house when we would normally provide food. Children will get cranky when hungry. If you want a pleasant, well-behaved child, feed them. 

Family meals: Eat together as a family whenever possible. Phones away. TV off. Let children participate in meal preparation where appropriate. 

"You don't have to eat it": Parents decide what food to serve and when. Children decide how much to eat. We always make sure to serve at least one familiar or "safe" food we know our daughter will probably eat. Beyond that, the foods we serve are the foods we are having. We don't make an alternate meal if she complains about it. We offer a small amount of everything on her plate, even if we don't think she'll eat it. She can ask for more of anything and eat her fill of it, even while not touching or trying other things. We don't use dessert - or the lack thereof - as a reward or punishment for how well/how much she eats. 

Understand children's developmental stage and parent accordingly: You can't expect a child to behave better than their age and temperament allows them to. For example, you can't expect a two-year-old to sit down, hold still, listen, and be quiet during a meeting or ceremony. If you hold the child to that expectation, you'll be frustrated and treat them as if they are being naughty when they wiggle and cry. Actually, they are behaving 100% appropriately for their age. So you as the parent have to plan ahead. You can bring toys and crayons and other entertainment. You can leave the room and take walks. If you really need to pay attention in that setting, you can get a babysitter. You can't blame a child for misbehaving when your behavioral expectations are not in line with their development. 

Early bedtime: Keep a consistent, early bedtime. Hold to it as much as possible. Having a routine for bedtime is very helpful. Both parents should be able to perform the bedtime routine and accomplish bedtime independently as needed. Wind down before bed with quiet play and with TV and other electronics off. Children are cranky when they are tired. If you are going somewhere and you want a pleasant, well-behaved child, get them to sleep on time for a few days in a row. It can take time for a sleep-deprived child to catch up on sleep. 

Your attention is one of the best rewards: Children will go to great lengths to get attention. Whining and crying are often aimed at getting attention. Children will even misbehave if that is the only way to get a parent's attention. Children experiment to see what they can do to get the results they want. If they get a dramatic parental response - whether negative or positive - they will repeat that behavior. We try to praise good behaviors when we see them. We try to ignore annoying behaviors as much as possible. When we give lots more attention to the positive behaviors, we see lots more positive behaviors. The reverse works. If we are playing and enjoying time together and then she hits or bites, we can simply leave the room. After a brief time out, we can talk about it...this leads to my next point...

The do-over: Many problem behaviors happen as an experiment, especially in new situations. We always strive to warn about a punishment prior to enforcing it. But if enforcement is merited, we stick to what we said. Sometimes we can talk about what happened and teach the proper behavior. In many situations, we can then offer a do-over. Then she gets to go back and try to do the behavior the right way. God gives do-overs. We should too. It is especially helpful when we are in a new situation and she does the wrong thing while experimenting.  

Answer questions: We strive to give simple, matter-of-fact answers to questions. We don't want to say, "I'll tell you when you're older" to those uncomfortable queries. The goal is to provide answers in an honest, age-appropriate way as succinctly as possible. 

Play: Children need to play. Play is their work. They need some toys to do their job, and mainly not toys that do the work for them. Most toys shouldn't need to light up or play music (although kids love that, and there may be small a place for it). Most of the time the TV and other entertainment devices should be left off. The play area should generally be a safe, child-proofed place where anything in reach is acceptable to play with. Off-limits items should be out of reach, locked away, or otherwise inaccessible.  

We don't always live up to our philosophies. But these are a few of the things we feel are important.

Child's Self Portrait

A few helpful parenting resources we have used: Janet Lansbury janetlansbury.com, Ralphie Jacobs @simplyonpurpose, Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Mark Weissbluth MD, Megan & Judy @feedinglittles, Kacie Barnes @mamaknows_nutrition, Susie Allison @busytoddler, Jennifer Anderson @kids.eat.in.color

Valentine's Day

I had one Valentine's chocolate left, which our daughter wanted while I was preparing lunch today. 

I explained that it was mine, but I would share half with her. She watched me use a knife to split the chocolate. I turned around to put the caramel-y knife in the sink, and when I turned back, both pieces of chocolate were in her mouth. It really wasn't a huge deal, but I talked to her about how I felt disappointed.

A few minutes later - while we were eating lunch - she apologized. Then she broke her piece of broccoli in half and gave me a piece. I kind of appreciated the gesture.

COVID Vaccine Review

I have received both doses of the COVID vaccine (Pfizer-BioNTech). Here's my report:

Dose 1: Only side effect was sore arm next day. 

Dose 2: Next day I had a sore arm (a little less sore than Dose 1); chills (Admittedly, I'm usually cold, but this was more than normal. I wore layers inside the house, including snow pants, to stay warm); and body aches (I used a heated corn bag for relief, but I almost took OTC medication). The rest of the week, I had chills on and off, as well a slightly elevated temperature at times (highest 99.9 deg F). 

All in all, if this vaccine keeps me from getting sick from the COVID-19 virus, I'll give it five stars. It will be well worth the slight discomfort I experienced.